thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
