TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
