You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
