Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
