I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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