I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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