I hate all girls vehemently.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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