I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
