I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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