My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
