I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
