Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
