yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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