That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
