Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
