I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
