He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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