chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
