her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found the puke drawer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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