it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
