dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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