david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
