Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
