if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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