I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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