Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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