Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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