i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
