I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm too high and old for this...