I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.