She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.