Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?