so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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