My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize