is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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