READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
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I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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