i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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