I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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