i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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