I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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