She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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