i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone came in the potted fern
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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