We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
