pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
