I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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