I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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