I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
