I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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