I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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