Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
