id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
