It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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