hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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