i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
