final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
