so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
