Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
