The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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