apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize