I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
