Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
