Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
