Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
