also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
