There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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