We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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