I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I enjoy the company of your penis
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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