My friends, they love my intelligence
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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