I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
