Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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