Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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