i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize