I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
