Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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