if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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