I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
